Outside-In Story

The Three Universal Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought work perfectly to govern all human experience. As this page explains, if they were not interfered with, life as we know it would be an incredibly enjoyable experience. Unfortunately we do interfere with them (The Garden of Eden is an early metaphor for this) and the following is an explanation of how and why we innocently do this. 

Our story begins with the first recognisable human (Homo habilis) appearing on the planet about 2.4 million years ago. Since then, until about the age of seven, people have been totally dependent on whoever was looking after them. That might be their parents, extended family or other guardians, what we might call their 'tribe’.

During all this time children have been learning consciously or unconsciously that they were either inside their tribe, safe and secure or outside their tribe, unsafe, insecure and very possibly dead. Consequently children see their security, wellbeing and peace of mind as something that depends totally on their ability to get others to like, care and value them. They even create a self-image that they present to other people in their effort to be liked.

Up to the age of seven this behaviour is functional. The problem is that beyond this age, thinking our security and peace of mind depends upon people liking us starts to become dysfunctional. A common result of this is a continuing, irrational need to please people and manipulate events, so that they show us in a good light. At the same time being afraid about upsetting people or being concerned about what they think of us. Sometimes called 'approval anxiety'.

Because of this, the image that a person presents to the world in order to be liked, is seen as something that needs to be protected, maintained and believed by others. This state of affairs is often referred to as the ‘Outside-In Paradigm’, as we have learned to believe our emotional state is dependent on what goes on outside us. This is also why conventional therapy can often struggle to give people the change they're looking for, because they are just asking the therapist to build them a better mask, so that they can get what they want from the outside world.

Now in an ideal world this misunderstanding would be naturally updated as we mature and become conscious of the fact that we are no longer dependent children. However, we have been conditioned to believe that our very survival is dependent on people liking us and believing the image we are projecting. Therefore we continue to try to control anything and everything that might affect what people think of us, and the self-image we are projecting.

As I said, above the Three Universal Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought are always working perfectly. It’s just that due to the circumstances just mentioned, the information that Thought is working with is not only out of date, but actively defended as if our life depended on it.

The good news is that the system has a natural feedback mechanism called ‘emotion’, that tells us when we are resisting reality. The bad news is that every time we resist reality, this feedback mechanism causes us emotional pain and is the source of every so called ‘negative’ feeling we experience. So when people or events don’t do what we want, we resist that reality and it feels painful. But rather than causing us to wake up to our error, the pain reinforces the idea that unless people and events do what we want, we will feel bad. This is the sad situation that perpetuates the 'Outside In Paradigm' and is the source of most, if not all of humanities ills.

When you begin Three Principles Coaching you are embarking on a journey that will enable you to let go of the misunderstandings in Thought that have been keeping you stuck in a cycle of emotional pain, insecurity and self-doubt. This in turn unleashes the innate wisdom of Mind and the wellbeing of Consciousness, which frees you to enjoy a life, beyond what you can currently imagine.

Amongst many other benefits, this:  
Frees you from overthinking, and insecurity.  
Frees you from neediness and attachment.  
Allows you to be authentic and spontaneous.
Gives you wonderful peace of mind.

Releases your natural potential in all areas of your life.  
 And much, much more.
If you’d like to know more about how Three Principles Coaching can help you and your particular situation, go to: www.threeprinciplescoach.com/bookings to schedule a Complementary Clarity Call.